Creating New Traditions: The First Holiday After the Loss of a Loved One

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Red Cardinal

You had always looked forward to experiencing the sounds and scents of the holiday season with family and friends. The traditions you created together decades ago brought you happiness. But after losing a loved one, listening to holiday music, baking cookies and shopping for gifts are much harder to appreciate. The parts of the season you once enjoyed now bring sadness.

“Dealing with grief can be more difficult during the holidays,” says Brian Medkeff-Rose, M.Div, M.A., of Homeland Hospice.

He believes one must avoid the pitfalls of “what if” thinking and learn to celebrate joy in the midst of sorrow while remembering your loved one. Medkeff-Rose recommends exploring changes in traditions and developing meaningful rituals.

“Creating new ways to remember your loved one can be a healthy coping technique when grieving,” Medkeff-Rose says.

Ways to Remember Your Loved One

From photo collages to planting a tree, there are many ways to remember your loved one and new traditions to start. Some ideas to consider:

  • Lighting a candle in your loved one’s memory
  • Creating a memory book of photos of your loved one
  • Donating a gift of money or time to those less fortunate in your loved one’s honor
  • Wearing a photo pin of your loved one
  • Starting a memorial scholarship fund in his/her name
  • Writing a poem or story about him/her
  • Visiting a place you both liked to visit
  • Hanging a special ornament on the tree in his/her memory
  • Playing his/her favorite music
  • Making a quilt or pillow from his/her favorite clothes
  • Creating a memory box of items that were special
  • Honoring his/her favorite tradition

Medkeff-Rose emphasizes that what works for some may not work for others since coping with loss is a deeply personal experience.

“Everyone is unique and grieves loss differently and there isn’t a time table,” Medkeff-Rose explains. “You shouldn’t feel guilty if you feel a roller coaster of emotions or laugh and have fun. You can certainly allow yourself to be sad, but it is OK to allow yourself to feel joy.”

Employee Spotlight: Rev. Dann Caldwell

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Dann Parents HCBorn and raised in the beautiful Susquehanna Valley, Rev. Dann Caldwell has been a part of the Homeland family since 2013.

“Both of my parents are a part of the Homeland family as well,” Rev. Caldwell says. “Each is receiving care at Homeland Center in uptown Harrisburg.”

As one of Homeland Hospice’s spiritual counselors and chaplains, Rev. Caldwell is a calming presence and offers guidance to patients and families throughout the end-of-life journey. “I am here to offer hope, comfort, and compassion, and to address patients’ questions and concerns, as well as assist them in exploring the legacy they will leave behind.”

Rev. Caldwell is a graduate of Central Dauphin High School, Lycoming College and the Princeton Seminary. “I received my Bachelor of Arts in psychology and sociology from Lycoming and two masters’ degrees from Princeton – Master of Divinity and Master of Theology.”

“Throughout high school and college, family members and friends suggested that I go into ministry,” he recalls.   “These continued confirmations gave me a sense of what my calling in life was to be.  They put me on the course of helping ministries, counseling and chaplaincy.”

Ordained as a United Methodist Minister nearly 30 years ago, Rev. Caldwell has served in several local churches, as well as secular and community agencies as a chaplain.  Additionally, he provided counsel and spiritual direction to those undergoing drug and alcohol treatment.

In Rev. Caldwell’s spare time, he enjoys swimming – and for a special reason.

“I have muscular dystrophy so, when I am in the water, it gives me freedom of movement and buoyancy that I am not able to get on dry land,” he says.  “It is so energizing and refreshing.  I try to swim as much as I can, when I can.”

Rev. Caldwell is also an avid singer.

“Many people don’t know that I have been singing since I was eight years old,” he says. “I was actually paid to sing at that young age by the St. Stephens Episcopal Cathedral Choir in Harrisburg. Singing is a true passion of mine.”

And the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Rev. Caldwell and his mother and father frequently perform together at Homeland Center’s monthly Wednesday morning prayer services. “I received my ear for harmony from my mother. And, the fact I am able to sing with my parents – well it’s making more memories to hold on to,” Rev. Caldwell says.

 

See other News and Events from Homeland At Home

Make a Meaningful Impact Today

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We exist to serve hospice patients in the communities where you live, to provide hope and compassionate care, ensuring they receive quality end of life care through the many therapies and extra services we offer:

  • Nearly 50,000 hours of in-home relief services are provided annually to our patients’ families & caregivers.
  • 3215 complementary therapy visits are delivered to patients each year.
  • 780 people (and growing) are in our bereavement program.
  • 15 unique support groups are offered throughout the year.
  • More than 300 compassionate volunteer hours are provided each month.

With your contribution, you help our caregivers touch the lives of hundreds of people and make certain that patients and their families are not worrying about the expense that can come with a terminal diagnosis. They can focus fully on their loved one and make every moment meaningful. Your gift will make an immediate impact to a hospice patient in need.

Won’t you support the essential services for hospice patients by making a donation today?

“…grief is the price of love, but moving forward is to honor the one we have lost; through Homeland Hospice’s guidance, I have been able to move forward. It is not easy and I still struggle, but because of your bereavement program, I am assured that I will make it.”

                                                                                          ~ from a grieving husband

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In-Home Relief for Hospice Caregivers

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About Homeland At Home - holding hands imageCaregivers who take good care of themselves are in a better position to take care of others. Caregiving is a meaningful and important role, but it’s often an around the clock job with multiple responsibilities, new demands, and challenges that leave little time for normal routines and self-care that are so important for mental and physical well-being.

Homeland Hospice understands the demands of caregiving. We know you are on this journey along with your loved one, and we are at your side with support and resources so you never feel alone. That’s why each month Homeland Hospice provides up to 40 hours of in-home relief to our families’ caregivers.

“We recognize caregivers need care, too,” said Mary Peters, Assistant Director of Social Services at Homeland Hospice. “Our In-home Relief program gives family members and caregivers a break, and the hours can be used whenever they are needed most.”

Homeland is the only hospice agency in the region that provides respite care services to patients and their families—in the home.

“Typical respite care provided at a facility is still an option,” added Peters. “But, our in-home relief services ensure caregivers peace of mind while allowing their loved ones to remain in the home.”

In-home caregiver relief is offered to all Homeland Hospice patients’ families. Services are designed to give family members and/or caregivers a break so they can run errands, shop, nap or just relax and take care of themselves. Up to 40 hours can be used in increments of two hours or more* throughout each month.

For more information about our In-home Relief program, please contact us at 717-221-7890.

*Please note that requests can not be guaranteed, and requests made for holidays, weekends or with late notice may be difficult to fill.

Meet Lisa Fetter and Ruby

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Lisa Fetter and RubyLisa Fetter, a lifelong Dauphin County resident, is a Social Worker for Homeland HomeHealth.

Lisa graduated from La Salle University, where she played Division One Field Hockey, with a bachelor’s degree in social work.  “Go Explorers!”   Lisa also earned a master of social work degree from Millersville University.

She chose her career because she enjoys helping others.  “I have always tried to go above and beyond to help others in need. It is inspiring to help people get on the right path after they had to overcome so many barriers in life.”  Lisa believes that every day in her field is a different learning experience. “It teaches me the true value of life and challenges me in ways that few other careers will.”

“I chose to work at Homeland because I always heard such great things about them. I wanted to work for an employer where I woke up every morning looking forward to going to work. A job that you love gives you motivation to meet your goals and expectations not only for yourself and employer, but most importantly for your patients.”

While Lisa’s responsibilities are geared toward home health, she is being cross-trained for hospice care.  “We are starting a palliative program which allows me, as the social worker, our nurse, and an aid to continue caring for patients who choose to transition to hospice.”

That is where Ruby enters the picture.

Lisa has also become a Homeland Hospice volunteer, and is training her dog Ruby, a cava-poo, to become a certified therapy dog for our hospice patients. Ruby, along with Winston, also a cava-poo, and Freya, a collie, are Lisa’s fur children, and this is Lisa’s first experience training a therapy dog.

“Pet therapy or therapy dogs help our palliative and hospice patients cope with their terminal prognosis. Petting an animal has been known to release endorphins in the brain which can help calm someone who is struggling to cope. Spending time with pets can have a positive impact by drawing attention away from pain or problems and focusing it on the animal.”

Homeland has two other pet therapy volunteers, Franklin and Rusty, who travel with their handlers (also hospice volunteers).  Homeland Hospice has been using therapy dogs since its inception nearly a decade ago and will continue this complementary therapy that enhances a patient’s quality of life when it matters most.  Dog is truly man’s best friend.

How It All Began

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The term “hospice” can be traced back to medieval times when it was referred to as a place of shelter and rest for the weary or ill travelers on a long journey. (1) In today’s world, “hospice” was initially applied to specialized care for dying patients by a British physician named Dame Cicely Saunders.

Saunders began her career in medicine as a registered nurse, but her continuing health issues forced her to pursue a career in medical social work.  In her new role, she developed a relationship with a dying Polish refugee who helped her decide that her ideas that terminally ill patients needed compassionate care to help address their fears and concerns was needed.  After the refugee passed away, she began volunteering at St. Luke’s Home for the Dying Poor, where a physician told her that she could best influence the treatment of the terminally ill as a physician.  Saunders soon entered medical school and received her degree.  (2)

Saunders always emphasized focusing on the patient rather than the disease and introduced the notion of ‘total pain’ which included psychological and spiritual as well as the physical aspects. She experimented with a wide range of opioids for controlling physical pain and continually included the needs of the patient’s family. (3)

1963
Saunders introduced the idea of specialized care for the dying to the United States during a visit with Yale University.  Her lecture, given to medical students, nurses, social workers, and chaplains explained the concept of holistic hospice care.  (4)

1967
According to www.understandhospice.org, Saunders founded St. Christopher’s Hospice in London, which was the first hospice for terminally ill patients in the United Kingdom.

1968
Dr. Patricia Wald, Dean of the Yale School of Nursing, took a sabbatical to work at St. Christopher’s to experience hospice first hand. (5)

1969
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross published her groundbreaking book, “On Death and Dying,” which contains more than 500 interviews with dying patients. In this book, Dr. Kubler-Ross emphasizes the benefits of home care over treatment in an institutional setting for terminally ill patients, and argues that everyone deserves the right to decide about their end-of-life care. (6)

1974
Wald, two pediatricians, and a chaplain founded the first hospice in the US—Connecticut Hospice in Branford, CT. That same year, Senators Frank Church and Frank E. Moss introduced legislation to provide federal funds for hospice programs. The legislation didn’t pass. (7)

1982
Congress included a provision to create a Medicare Hospice Benefit as part of the Tax Equity and Fiscal Responsibility Act, but it contained a sundown provision for 1986. (8)

1986
The Medicare Hospice Benefit was enacted, and states were given the option to include hospice in their Medicaid programs. Hospice care was also made available to terminally ill nursing home residents. (9)

For the next three decades, legislation was passed, funding was improved, and Medicare reimbursement rates were increased.  (10)

2004
The number of Americans who received hospice services exceeded one million for the first time and, in 2005, the number of hospice providers in the US exceeded 4,000. (11)

2014
40 years after the opening of Connecticut Hospice, the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO) and its affiliates celebrated four decades of providing hospice care in the US. (12)

Hospice Care began with a woman wanting to create a better life for those dealing with a terminal illness; a woman who wanted to completely focus on the patient, not the disease.   Homeland Hospice thanks you, Dr. Saunders, for improving the quality of life of countless individuals and their families.  Your dedication and compassion are unmatched.

 

Cited Sources

1 – nhpco.org

2, 3, 4  – wikipedia.com  

5 – 11 – understandhospice.org

We Raise Our Pinwheels

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girl holding purple pinwheelAt Homeland Hospice, we raise our pinwheels to the wind in celebration of our heroes: children and their families.

“Our pediatric hospice program was launched out of necessity,” stated Deb Klinger, RN and Director of Homeland Hospice. “Not many hospice agencies provide pediatric care. We were contacted about a child who was referred for hospice services in a county where there were no providers willing to take a child. At this point in time we felt a need to expand our services. We worked diligently to create a dedicated program with a staff specifically certified in pediatric hospice care.”

How long has Homeland Hospice provided pediatric services?
For the past three years, Homeland Hospice has been able to assist many children and families with hands-on nursing care, as well as emotional and psychological support, the ability to access specialized durable medical equipment, as well as appliances and other types of services that are not commonly known to the public.

How does pediatric hospice differ from adult hospice?
“As with adult hospice services, pediatric hospice serves to provide an enhanced quality of life as well as symptom and pain management to our patients and their families,” added Klinger. “We treat holistically, using a multidisciplinary approach.”

The difference is that pediatric patients can still obtain the full aggressive treatment they were always receiving, but can also access supportive hospice care while fighting their disease process. If the curative aggressive treatment should fail, the relationship is already established with the hospice team to continue with the emotional support and to initiate more treatment options that are geared toward symptom management and quality of life.

In addition, family support is always a factor in hospice care, but perhaps even more delicate with parents of very sick children.

Meaning of Pinwheels
Homeland Hospice put much thought into creating a symbol for pediatric hospice. We chose the pinwheel as it represents the free, playful, hopeful spirit of children. The child and the family are at the center, surrounded by a compassionate team that spans the spectrum of caring.

For more information about our pediatric services and how we can help, please contact us.

Lend a Helping Hand at Homeland Hospice

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volunteer appreciation image

Aesop once said, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

When it comes to volunteering your time to help others in need, an hour is valuable. Three hours are valuable. A once a week commitment is valuable.

Are you looking to get involved in serving your community? Homeland Hospice has various types of volunteer opportunities that are right for you.

“While we have many different types of volunteer opportunities, we are currently in need of those whose main interest is supporting patients and families, as well as administrative assistance duties,” stated Leanne Porterfield, Homeland Hospice Coordinator of Volunteers.

Patient and Family Support

  • Visit patients to provide companionship and support
  • Take a resident in a facility outside for a while to enjoy the sunshine
  • Support the family by offering respite while they are away from home for brief periods
  • Transport to appointments or help run errands

Administrative/Clerical

  • Help with clerical tasks such as mailings, labels, filing
  • Answer telephones
  • Data entry

“There are also needs in other areas – bereavement, development, pet therapy and Veteran to Veteran,” added Porterfield. “So if you’d like to get connected, let us know. We would be happy to have you be a part of our team.”

If you are interested in sharing your time serving those at end-of-life in your community, contact Leanne at 717-409-8882 or LMurry@homelandhospice.org for more information. And in advance, thank you very much.

Tamie Francis – Employee Spotlight

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Tamie Francis

Tamie is the assistant director of operations at Homeland Hospice, HomeHealth and HomeCare. She joined us in November, 2014.

Tamie was born in Japan, then came to the States when her father retired from the Air Force after 23 years of service. She was seven years old when she and her family moved to Dalmatia, a small town in Northumberland County. She later worked for a local manufacturer for 20 years until she finally opted to make a career change into the healthcare industry.

“I’ve always wanted to work for a non-profit and felt that healthcare is where I belong,” she says. “Surgical nursing was my first passion, but sometimes life throws a curve ball. I’m very happy in my administrative position ― it might not be hands-on but I’m able to make sure that all of our patients get the quality care they deserve, so it’s a very rewarding experience. And while my job can be stressful at times, no two days are alike and that’s one of the things that makes it so unique and enjoyable.”

Those of us who know Tamie appreciate her talent, experience and positive attitude. And though she’s not prone to talking about herself, she’s very quick-witted and a fantastic story-teller, helping make Homeland a fun, happy place to work.

Oops, we forgot to mention one other little gem in Tamie’s bio ― she’s a licensed barber. No kidding, you’ll need to ask her about that one!

On a final note, every Thursday afternoon, Tamie is featured on WINK 104 to answer questions about home care, home health and hospice. Tune in when you can but in the meantime click here to listen to a recent broadcast.

Ask the Expert About Home Health Services

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Do you know the difference between home health and home care? What is palliative care? When should my family begin the conversation about hospice for dad? I think mom needs help lately with housework and getting to the doctor—how can Homeland help her? What service is right for me?

Every Thursday afternoon on WINK 104 you can tune in to “Ask the Expert”—a two minute segment created to educate and inform our region’s aging population and their loved ones about the benefits of at home health services. WINK’s DJ, Hollywood, speaks with Tamie Francis, Assistant Director of Operations of Homeland Hospice, HomeHealth and HomeCare to help answer the questions above and more.

“Tamie is a very experienced and knowledgeable ‘at home’ professional. On Ask the Expert she discusses how and why home may be the best place to receive care and what different types of services are available,” stated Sue Minarik, Executive Director, Homeland Hospice, HomeHealth & HomeCare. “Homeland’s goal is make sure you and your loved ones are aware of all of the different choices you have when ‘at home’ care is needed. Being able to use radio as an educational platform is invaluable. We are happy to be partnering with Cumulus on this community effort.”

In addition to tuning into the Ask the Expert, Homeland encourages listeners to have a face-to-face conversation with their doctors, caregivers and spiritual advisors in order to help them make the best decisions for their care.

The radio segment began in June and will continue to run throughout the year. If you are interested in submitting a question, please email us at questions@homelandathome.org. To listen to prior segments, please click here.